The Power of Parenting

The mare thought of home always made me melancholic and enthusiastic at the same time! This is not a strange feeling at all, I am sure many can relate. Home was and is not home without the presence of my Mum. She sure knows how to make sweet memories- from ridiculously sumptuous meals, captivating stories, therapeutic picnics, relaxing songs, blissful upcountry travels to satisfactory house chores, adventurers firewood fetching and thrilling hunting. This activities created priceless memories and inculpable emotional bond with my Mum- they are fine diamonds to me.

I did not get so much material things from my mum, maybe because we were not coming from a well off family, but still the less that I got or neverhad, I can’t compare to the moment I shared with my family. My mum was present all through my life. Greatest gift.
I was having a light conversation with a friend. She expressed to me how she felt like part of her is missing. She expressed it as an identifiable, yet indescribable absence. I asked her why she had such a sad expression. She told me how she does not have any vivid memory of her parent in her life. This was astonishing since to me, I have always believed that she had always had all support and parental care from her parents. It seems, that was not the case. She expressed the absence of her parent in her growing up. Showering her with material things (gifts, money) was what her parents did best than being in her life. They were hardly home, and if they were they were busy working, or having meetings and parties with their so called ‘friends and colleagues.’ She expressed that because of definitive choice that her parent made, she will forever have a reserved relationship with them.

We are in a generation where most parents have resorted into being material parents. Where their mode of showing affection and love is through offering gifts, money and material things. They are mostly absent in their kids life. And replace absence with showering children with material. Not like the old days, where you will have memories of your father teaching you to drive a bicycle and your mother teaching you how to cook “ugali” and bake cake. Such memories in today’s generation are rare. Children lately have memories of having Play stations, video games, basket of toys, movies and series and the list is endless.

Today, happiness and success are associated to material things. Parents use material goods to express their love to their children and also to shape their children behaviors. But what does this action leads to? They just learn to judge themselves and others based on possessions. Attaching a thing as the reward for doing something good may teach kids to think of skills as a path to material items rather than to their own wellbeing. Children also grow up into materialistic adults, who believe possessions are a sign of success.

This material attachment also extends to punishment, too. Taking things away from kids when they do something bad play a major role to them to be more insecure as adults, and that insecurity makes them associate material things with success. In fact studies have shown that people who associate material things with success and status are more likely to blow traumatic events out of proportion, and to experience depression, loneliness, and relationship troubles.

It is high time that the current generation parent should stop substituting their roles in their children life’s with material things. They should embrace their role which is being emotionally available for their children. Humans are emotional beings, and through these feelings, children can grow up differently depending on how they are brought up. Simple acts like taking an evening walk with your kid, helping them out with homework, telling them stories, listening to them, helping them solve their daily challenges among others ,create a strong emotional bond which is the key to a healthy relationship and a sober adult in future.

As much as people need money to live, and having money isn’t harmful if you’re able to separate the pursuit of money from the pursuit of experiences and fulfilling relationships, then we will be doing justice to our children.
Each time children express their gratitude, they become more aware of how fortunate they are, which paves the way for them to be more generous and less materialistic. Spend time with your children and model warmth, gratitude, and generosity to help curb materialism.

Painful truth is that parents hugely influence the type of person their children will become in the future. Frederick Douglas pointed out that ‘it is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.’ So Parents have one time opportunity to make a good person out of their children, and that is when they are still children. It is important to be there for your children. As James E. Faust put it, ‘To be a good father and mother requires that the parent defer many of their own needs and desires in favor of the needs of their children. As a consequence of this sacrifice, conscientious parents develop a nobility of character and learn to put into practice the selfless truths taught by the Savior Himself.’

Author: Beline Nyangi

Beline is an International Relations Professional. She holds an MSc. degree in Conflict and Governance from University of Amsterdam. She has competence and interest in social policy research advisory and implementation in the areas of peace and security, transitional justice, human rights, refugee rights, immigration and social justice. She enjoys traveling, drinking "dawa", good books and rich and thoughtful conversation. View all posts by Beline Nyangi